Love Should Never Hurt: Guest Post by @MariaRSmith

» Posted by on Oct 31, 2013 in Guest Post | 2 comments

 

{October is Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We invited members of our Blogalicious Community to share their stories on these topics representing an array of perspectives. Today Maria Smith shares her story publicly for the first time.} 

 

But he didn’t hit me.  Until he did.

He didn’t hit me right away.  He shoved me a little too hard at first.  He humiliated me in front of his friends later on.  He threatened me with a pulled back fist and then laughed when I instinctively cowered after that.  No, his abuse didn’t start with the busted lip.  It started when he sweet-talked his way into my dorm room and grabbed my arm roughly when I turned away.  I should have stopped it then.  But I didn’t.

My college boyfriend’s abuse built up over time until I became a shadow of the girl I once was.  I felt ashamed a man controlled me.  I felt guilty for “making” him so mad. I felt small and insignificant and alone.  When a hard kick to my thigh left an ugly bruise one day, he seemed to relish his power even more.  More bruises followed from pinches, pushes and even bites.  But I kept saying to myself, “but he didn’t hit me”.

And then he did. He let himself into my apartment late one night with a key I didn’t know he had.  He had been drinking and was angry, sure that I was cheating on him.  He calmly let me know his gun was in the car if I fought back.  And then he slapped me.  The open-handed hit let something loose inside him and all his pent up rage came pouring out on me.  I saw his face contort and I thought I was going to die that night.  When I tried to call the police he beat me with the phone.  He punched me, kicked me, bit me, slapped me, choked me, threatened me with his gun, and did things too unspeakable to even write…all night long.

As soon as he fell asleep early the next morning, exhausted by his atrocities, I stole out of my house with only my purse. I ran in the shadows to the bus station where I bought a ticket to my grandmother’s house.  She took one look at the injuries I couldn’t hide…my fat lip, black eye, and bruises on my neck…and I knew my secret was out.  I knew I couldn’t go back to this man ever again. I pressed charges, got a restraining order, and changed my locks.  He would never hurt me again, though it would take years for me to work through the pain of that relationship.

I’m sharing my story now to help any woman who’s in that lonely place.  Please know you are stronger than you think.  You are smart and resourceful and can find a way to leave.  I want that sad, beaten down girl, cowering in the corner, to know life doesn’t have to be this way.  Be brave! Live! Love should never hurt.

 

maria smithMaria Smith (@mariarsmith) is a freelance writer, blogger, and married mother of four.  Currently living in Atlanta, she covers family travel, food, fashion, and finds for moms on MamaliciousMaria.com and for outside clients.  She is a survivor.

       

                               

2 Comments

  1. Wow! Maria, I promise you never know someone’s story. I am so glad you were able to walk away as many are not. Kudos to you for also pressing charges and not letting fear hold you back. YOu are an awesome woman and mom!!

  2. Thank you for being bold enough to share your painful story. It is important as women that we learn what relationship red flags look like and pull the plug sooner rather than later. Stay blessed,

    Tia

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